Differing Points of View

There is a stir in the social networking world that has folks in an uproar.  It shocks me that when things like this happen people you think are in your circles come out against you and your points of view.  I know that we all believe in freedom of speech.  Still it seems that freedom also gives some the reason to bully, intimate, mock, and belittle the author.

It happened when a blog I have followed for years took on the values of a recent popular 'children's' movie.   It was a hugely unpopular move on her part.  People got ugly.  People of her own faith even.  People of my faith.

It happened to me when I shared this post on my social network page.  Some one who thinks they 'know' me made all sorts of remarks about the right and wrong way to live our religion, and the stupidity of the message.

Shame is so huge in our culture.

I find it interesting that if the issue raised didn't have any truth to it -- why all the hullabaloo?  The fact that people are in an uproar makes me wonder if the original poster might have struck a painful cord with some folks causing them to evaluate their experience with the film.

I was pricked by the post.  I had to go back and re-evaluate my experience and my impression.  I had to own the fact that I dismissed  whisperings of the spirit attempting to show me the error of what I was watching.

The theme song of the movie is in direct opposition to the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  It bugged me every time I heard my dd sing it -- but I neglected to follow the prompting to figure out why.

Elder M. Russell Ballard gives us counsel on this issue:

"The choices we make in media can be symbolic of the choices we make in life.  …In the virtual reality and the perceived reality of large and small screens, family-destructive viewpoints and beheavior are regularly portrayed as pleasurable, as stylish, as exciting, and as normal.  Often media's most devastating attacks on family are not direct or frontal or openly immoral.  Intelligent evil is too cunning for that, knowing that most people still profess belief in family and in traditional values.  Rather the attacks are subtle.  Immorality and sexual innuendo are everywhere, causing some to believe that because everyone is doing it, it must be all right.  This pernicious evil is not out in the street somewhere; it is coming right into our homes, right into the heart of our families…The time has come when members of the Church need to speak out and join with the many other concerned people in opposition to the offensive, destructive, and mean-spirited media influence that is sweeping over the earth."
    (source  http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/10/let-our-voices-be-heard?lang=eng&query=media)


What more can I say on this issue than what an apostle of the Lord has said?

Personally, I am grateful that a brave woman spoke up and followed her promptings, as this apostle taught her to do.   In doing so she will have to deal with those who oppose her with all their loud, mean, and critical remarks.  Such is the case with many who stand tall against the world.  

A Year of Unrest

I looked at this blog today and wondered where a year of life went because it is not on this blog.  Is it really true that the last time I reflected on my peaceable walk was at conference almost a year ago?

Truth be told -- it wasn't a peaceful year.
It was a difficult year.
It was a growing year.
A changing year.

I found a place to put some of my pain and trials -- which brought a lot of peace.
I took time for myself to really ponder me -- which brought a lot of peace.
I continue to serve in my music calling -- music brings me incredible peace.
I added a teaching calling, that while stressful at times -- brings me increased peace.

As 2013 was drawing to a close I found myself in a pivotal place that really could have gone either way.  I spent more time on my knees trying to find the answers and the way out of the dark place I felt I was in.  It was as one of my favorite speakers, S. Michael Wilcox, likes to say "the fourth watch" when the answers came.

Fourteen days into 2014 I am relieved to feel peace beginning to return.  I'm relieved by the answers to those prayers prayed in the 11th hour.  I'm grateful for this challenge that keeps me constantly seeking my peaceable walk.

Twittering General Conference

This weekend is one of my favorite weekends of the year -- General Conference weekend.  Most of regular life comes to a halt as we gather together to sit in front of the TV to listen to the words of our Church leaders. We are blessed to have BYUtv out here in the part of the mission field where we live.  We can enjoy each broadcasted session.  We can soak in all of the spiritual nourishment we are feed right in our own home.  It is a blessing.

Many of the talks this time have been about peace and hope.  I have already started a list of those talks I want to listen to again as soon as they are up on lds.org.  I am anxious to absorb these teachings deeply.

Some of the other counsel that hit close to my heart are:

"Why not choose a time each day to disconnect from technology and reconnect with each other?" Sister Wixom

"To speak to a child's heart, we must know a child's needs" SisWixom

"Pray to your Heavenly Father. This is His work. He will guide you in what to do." Elder Andersen on missionary work

"Our l hope is in Jesus Christ. He is the powerful entrance into the light.Darkness will not gain victory over the light of Christ." President Uchtdorf

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf: "Darkness cannot stand before the brilliant light of the Son of the living God"

"Never do or say anything that approaches the appearance of impropriety" Elder Clayton

Elder L. Whitney Clayton: Marriage is a gift from God to us. The quality of our marriages is a gift from us to Him.

Elder Perry - We need to be reminded of the commandments. Secularism is beginning to become the norm.

'If you are to be a man and live abundantly -- then live God's law #ElderPerry

Elder Perry "Choice of liberty or captivity is the consequence of obeying or disobeying God's law.

For man to substitute his laws for the laws of God on either side of life its the height of sin - Elder Perry

The restored gospel of Jesus Christ, it's stakes, ward, families and individual members do not waiver.  Stand Firm!  Elder Perry

"Life would be simpler for all of us if we would obey such rules completely." Pres. Monson

A knowledge of truth and answers to our greatest questions come to us as we are obedient to the commandments of God - Pres. Monson

Rules and laws are there to protect our physical and spiritual safety.

From a Prophet of God The Lord requires a heart and a willing mind.

In conclusion: Obedience brings peace and happiness not only in this life but in the world to come.

This is something I need to hold tightly to over the next few day.

Peaceful December Morning

December 19, 2012

It is early yet this morning as I sit on the couch welcoming in the new day.  I look at the lights on the tree in the dark room.  Behind me, the day begins to dawn with a light glow that is still too weak to fill the room.

These are precious moments to me.  The house is quiet as I close the door after wishing my husband ‘a good day.’  No one stirs yet leaving me alone with the lights and the dark and the day approaching behind me.

My mind is cluttered with the list of items that already call me, pulling me from this moment of peace, bringing a sense of rushing.  I sit, a while longer and take in the feelings of the lights and the season they represent.

I wonder how many more of these seasons will I be able to have this way.  Outside my secure surroundings today lays a world in chaos.  Government bodies argue over plans and taxes.  People hurt after a horrible shooting at an elementary school.  The superstitious worry if their days are numbered fearing the end in sight.  Others scurry on to work or school or wherever their patterned actions compel them to go. 

All these thoughts make this moment even sweeter.

My grandchild will be here soon.  The clock on the wall ticks.  The light is brighter now.  I’m reading an article on my smart phone on an e-magazine.  The writer attempts to explain what likely happened in Bethlehem the night the Christ child was born.

So much has changed in the Lord’s world since He came into His world to live his earthly days.  So many today are still confused about who Jesus actually is/was.  Some think there is/was only one God and he came down to earth as a child.  Some have an even foggier version of the story and the nature of God and His Son.  Some unfortunately do not believe at all.  I believe.

I believe beyond any doubt that our Heavenly Father sent Jesus, our brother, here to earth.  He came into this world, as we all do, born of a woman.  He is the Son of God.  Not God the Father.  Not an embodiment or formless being housing three spirits..His mission was a specific one.  Foretold from the beginning by prophets of God.  Today, we speak of the Christ child with reverence, knowing he is the Savior of the World.  We celebrate His birth because it is one of the most significant events in our mortal history. His life, his coming, is the greatest gift the world has ever received. 

Its five days and counting now.  Light fills the room.  Stirring is heard in the rooms upstairs. The day begins, but just for a moment longer, I sit, and ponder upon what Christmas means to me and feel His peace.

Merry Christmas!

When A Country Needs Peace

For the past couple of weeks the debates have been a hot issue.  It isn't peaceful watching grown men debate.  Often there is shouting, finger pointing, and talking over one another.  There is no doubt that we need peace in our land.  There is no debate about the condition of the United States government.

We know that we are blessed to live in a land of promise.  We are grateful for our freedoms.  However, there are evil forces at work in this land.  Forces that do not promote the ideals of our Founding Father or the kind of peace that we believe should be a part of this great land.

In the Doctrine and Covenants we read: "I established the Constitution of this land, by the hands of wise men whom I raised up unto this very purpose."(D&C 101:80).   And in verse 77 of that section; " According to the laws and constitution of the people, which I have suffered to be established..."  From these verses we know the hand of the Lord was in the forming of the laws and government of this country.   Therefore the stewardship is placed on us from Heaven to choose leaders that believe in these principles and strive to sustain them.

The sense of turmoil is palatable as the day of vote casting approaches.  I believe for the most part, fellow American across the board want to make a good choice in who they vote for.  Not as many realize the great stewardship this right hold which is what worries me.  The media, the debates, the endless bashing campaign commercials, the barrage of political mail to get the candidate's name out front is a huge contributor to the confusion.  Where in all of these chaos does one find the truth.

Though we, as citizens of this country, have agency to cast a vote, we are and will continue to be in the hands of the Lord.  This earth and it's inhabitants are here but for a short time.  All of this business of government and election and politics will one day come to major change.  I look forward to the day when the Kingdom of God and His government are present and in force upon the earth.  When peace will be present among all.

Still, we will be accountable to the Father for the choices we make here.  So study the issues and candidates well.  Pray for guidance and for the inspiration of the spirit to guide you as you make your voting choices.

My prayers each day include a petition to the powers of heaven to bless the people of this land with wisdom to choose according to the will of God.  I pray that we will have leaders that are Godly men and women with integrity towards he positions they hold.

"Oh No, Not Again..."

A couple years ago my little one, running wildly down the sidewalk as was prone to do, tripped over a bump in an uneven section and tumbled to her knees. Bloody and bruised and teary we managed to get through the ordeal. Then just a few days later, in the driveway, it happened again. As the tumble started I heard the words, "Oh no! Not again!" The realization that a crash was about to occur prompted the exclamation. Grief was unavoidable again. That cry of pain she expressed has not left me to this day. My heart broke for her. She knew. She saw it coming and cried out. It happens at times, grief. It trips you over, knocking the wind from you. As you go down you hear the fated words expel forth..."oh no! Not again!" You see it happening and you are powerless to stop it. Suddenly its clear that pain and damage are going to happen and like an out of body experience you watch it happen -- unable to prevent it. It happened to me -- again. Just like the tumble of my little child. Only it wasn't just my knees. It was my whole world. I could see it crumble and I couldn't figure out how to stop it. When it hit I was sick inside and I was furious. I said enough. Not this time. No more. Then God said otherwise. This was not a bruised knee that would be relatively easy to heal. This was a wound of the heart and these do not heal as quickly as you would sometimes like. In fact, I was struggling with the last time. How could I possibly go through this again and be whole? If there is anything I do know, when God asks something of you -- you don't say no. I offered forgiveness and began to pray. Harder than I have ever prayed before. I asked for my eyes to open that I might see what I have not seen before. I asked to be taught what I could not learn before. I asked to feel what I could not feel before. I prayed to believe. I prayed for peace. Slowly, like dawn breaking through the darkest night God opened the way. Though my heart, full of old scar tissue, still damaged from the past, I was shown how to truly love and forgive and where to find the peace and strength I needed. He showed me that love, forgiveness and peace could be found. I didn't expect this gift. I'd been in this place before. It wasn't my first fall. Recovery can be very slow and very painful. Yet somehow, though my obedience and my faith, I found what I had been longing for. Strength. And growth. I knew that in order for me to endure what was ahead of me, I needed to increase. Increase my capacities of charity, love, forgiveness. I needed to be a peacemaker. I needed to set aside my feelings and put someone else ahead of me. This was not an easy task. I didn't want my willingness to forgive to be misconstrued into making light of the injury. It wasn't something I could just shrug off as if it didn't matter. It mattered hugely. This time, I chose to handle how it mattered differently.

Peace With All Men

Hebrews 12:14 - "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord." This is a great scripture for me for several reasons at this time. As I am tutored by the Lord in this mission of peace I walk, I am learning daily how much I still need to learn.

A Note to a Friend...

(names changed to protect the innocent or guilty -- as the case may be)

Hi Friend,

I was hoping to email before now and plan a day out your way this week, however, on top of everything else my car decided to detour to the repair shop. Yesterday on the way out to where we attend church, my car stalled on the ramp between the two highways. Nice, huh?

Today I saw the card group email detailing an adventure over your way and part of me was like YES!!! Reality is a mean task master though as I realize going to lunch and to a scrapbook store when you don't know how bad the repair damages will be yet will likely add insult to injury.

Rats!!!

It might be the fuel pump, because the engine turned over and nothing electrical (belts) seemed to be the issue. This means draining a full tank of gas
.....bye bye $70 buckssssss............. just to see

Oi Vey!!!

Please Lord, let it be a belt that we just couldn't see yesterday while we were dressed in our Sunday best and huge vehicles passed us on a curve at annoyingly fast speeds -- most of them not even paying a lick of attention to where their vehicle was in relation to a car stalled on the ramp.

Oh, and not one single police came by during the whole time Husband sat with my truck.

Did I say I was on my way to church? Yes, in a skirt. I have to be there early as my job is to conduct the music for our main worship service. Oh dear....let me see..text the Bishop just in case he needs to get me a stand-in.


Luckily, I had the grandbaby with me. Lucky? Yes, because he didn't have any church clothes..just a onesie ..and his parents were supposed to meet me at my house with his things....ummm...tick tick...gotta jet..can't be late...

I'm loading up, and they aren't here yet..of course..

They pull up while I am pulling out...we do a switcharoo...and I am ahead of them by 5 minutes.

I stall.

I call..

Son zooms up behind my stall vehicle (is zoom a fast enough word for how fast he drives normally added to the fact that I CAN'T be late??????????). They have a tiny car...the car seat is between daughter and me...we super-zoom off.....

Blessing! I make it in time, albeit a bit rattled. Son drops me off and is supposed to head back to help husband/dad (who is questionably patiently awaiting his own rescue along with instructions for what to do with MY vehicle.)

Hmmm...what's this I see as I look out into the congregation while I am conducting? Oh yes, my son..harrummphhhhh...


Husband's face looks like a raccoon.

The car's in the shop.

It's Monday and I'm stranded.

Guess what?


Yup....Grandson is here....and its 12:54...no sound or sign of his mom and dad....

**********end of letter to poor friend********


Its like this sometimes, but I think only at my house. I really believe that at times. I think others have an easy path and mine is mired with muck and debris that I have to wade through before I can get back on that path from which I want to navigate life.

Yesterday didn't help matters. It didn't help me feel those loving peaceful arms I need to feel at this point in my life. A point where my plate continues to feel loaded with burdensome trials, some of which do not belong to me.

Today I woke up with that junky, not so sore but somethings up kinda feeling in my throat. I try not to let negativity settle in. I get my little ones going, hop in the shower myself and start the day. Ok..no so bad.

I'll practice my piano lesson. Ick! What is this! Do I have to play this song. I don't like it. I quit. Pass the piano off to my daughter so she can prepare for her lesson.

Now what...that's right. I'll go check my budget to see where I can rock/roll the funds this pay period Oh mmmm, yeah, depressing.

Nevermind, go sit at the computer and blog for a bit -- maybe the cloud will move and things will change.


The repair shop said, 'Looks like the timing belt' Long dead pause....

This is NOT peace.

Off to pray -- will be back when I am not crying.

A New Kind of Peace

Small, sweet smelling, sometimes fussy, most times precious...a new baby.

A little wonder made his way into our lives, hearts and homes at the end of last month. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the whole "Grand" mom, ma, mother,..uhg! thing. My comment for the past nine months has been, 'I'm too young to be a grandma!" Well, I am, but...

Something happens to you that just as with parenthood, no current grand can explain to you. You have to experience it just as a parent cannot feel what that is like via another parent's explanation -- no matter how eloquently spoken.

For me, it was the blessing of being the 'night shift' care taker for the little one. I would come in at night to sit with the baby to let his mama rest. It wasn't an easy job, physically. I am old enough to know that sleep isn't something you can just go without and not pay for. However, it was a precious sacrifice. The night time with a newborn is a sweet time. Rarely do eyes open. Cries bellow out, or whimper out, in this little lad's case. Fists clench. Legs curl and straighten, but eyes are tightly closed. Nourishment is all that is required. Well, that and a new diaper. Not sure they really know what is a worse experience their first days of life..that weird thing on their hiney or that odd feeling in the tummy.

My little grandson has proven to be an amazing soul, already. His daddy was blessed with a new job the week he was born and left for training in another state the week after. This was a hard spot for a new mama to be in, luckily for me, I didn't have anything better to do than sit beside a crib and wait to be needed. The signs of a sweet and patient nature are already present. He reminds me so much of his daddy.

The best gift was four wonderful days with him all to myself. Mom and dad were needing some time together and some support from each other. Nana stepped in and took over baby duties giving the new parents time to ease into this new job of theirs (both the work and the parenthood). It was awesome and tiring and more awesomeness and exhaustion.

From all of this...something wonderful happened...a little person..new to this world..knows me. I can tell by the look on his very young and tiny face when he hears my voice. What an amazing thing. What beautiful peace fills me when we connect this way. He trusts me, he feels comfort and love from me and he expresses joy when we are together. Oh, sure, he still has periods of just plain old baby fussy times. That, in and of itself is a wonder too. Gone are those days of a nervous new mom or wife anxious to have it all together before husband comes home. Gone are the days when the pressure to do all weighed equal to the pressure the baby plied to my day. Now all I need to do is just sit and be.

Peace!

Can Peace Be Found in Transition Times...

...after spending almost three month's in my parent's home I am now back in my own little world. Three months changes everything. What was in place when you left is no longer. People fill the void you created in your leaving and move on so that when you come back you aren't sure if you can squeeze back in or not.

My first week back filled up with lunches, catching up with friends and returning to worship and fulfill my callings in my home ward. This was great and even exciting. However, this second week home challeges the core of my character meter as quiet days linger until new norms and patterns fill up what used to be.

The biggest change will be not re-opening my scrapbook store. This will greatly impact my social life while opening up opportunities for my DD (baking, craft work, homeschool groups, etc) which will bring blessings yet to be grateful for. However, it will change what was my comfort zone for so many years.

My first few days home filled up with opportunity to clean, organize and begin to put myself back into my home. My DH did OK(?), its just not the same as when I am here. I also brought back items from my parent's home to incorporate into mine. While at my parent's their belongings were quickly being redistributed or removed leaving that space feeling more and more empty. My home has a sense of life to it. I noticed this almost immediately and wondered long about those two stark contrasts.

This week some baking helps fill space and time. Today DD and I made cheese bread, a recipe of my mom's sister that we used to make together alot. (Note to self: send Aunt B. an e-mail to thank her.) DD and I made plans for a few more creative adventures in the kitchen over the next few weeks.

I went down to scope out one of my nemeseses -- my basement (the other, my garage, will wait until cooler fall days as the heat has already hit here). I was relieved, happily relieved, to see that I might be able to actually handle it. My big summer project is to organize that space, making room for what used to be my store. Its a good summer project keep me in the coolest part of my home and giving me a good, long, involved project to fill my days.

It isn't easy to hang on to motivation during all of this. One step at a time -- one day -- one project and soon what is new will become the norm and there will be a settling and peace that comes from all I have gone through to get to there.

It's Time To Go Home!

My husband was here with me in Utah for a visit this past week and when I put him on the plane to return to our home yesterday, he reminded me; "Joi, you need to finish up your business and get ready to come home."

It's time, I know it. And I know I won't be ready no matter when I set the return date. I just need to do it. I can't stay, holding on to my emotions, lingering in my parent's home until I think I'm ready. That day just won't happen. I need to move forward. I can't hold time still until I'm ready. Life goes on around me. A daughter-in-law prepares to deliver my first grandchild, while my own daughter contineus to grow and my husband, friends, ward family back in Missouri wait for me to return. I'm the one that is stuck. I'm the one who doesn't want to face the future without my mom and dad.

I spent the past couple of days staging the belongings of my parent's that are now mine. I'm packing up pieces of their life to merge into mine. Its a cycle of life. My parents did this when their parents passed through the veil. I don't even know if that was difficult for them. I never bothered to ask. I should have. I want my children to know this is hard for me. But that you get through it and go forward. I want them to have that faith to hold to because a time will come for them too. They should be able to see their way through to a peaceable place. I have to set that example. I can't get stuck here and leave that example for them.

Sixteen days from today -- the date is set. I should be back to my own home by the first of May. I'm a bit frightened, if truth be told. I just pray that when the times comes, when my husband is here, when the packing and driving commences I will find the joy I need.

For My Dad (and me)

A Peaceable Walk With the Children of Men..

This line comes from the quote on my blog header. I've been thinking about this alot lately as it has had application in several areas of my present days.

Over the past couple of weeks my brother, sister and I have been sorting our parent's temporal belongings. I have heard from many that this can be a challenging experience and tests the relationships of siblings. In my case, there was only peace. I don't think for a moment feelings were hurt in any way. I know my parents are pleased with what has taken place as they look upon the world they left and have watched how their children have dealt peaceably with one another.

In another set of circumstances this verse from Moroni lays heavy upon my heart as I am called upon yet again to find this virtue and apply the crucial principles. I find myself in this space more than I ever thought possible for one soul. I am troubled with a heavy decision and know that no progress can happen until I come to a peaceable place within.

As I look back upon previous posts I see a thread that has been present in my walk. A quote that I posted some time back struck me hard today. Here's a re-post:

The greatest need of this old world today is peace. The turbulent storms of hate, of enmity, of distrust, and of sin are threatening to wreck humanity. It is time for men—true men—to dedicate their lives to God, and to cry with the spirit and power of the Christ, ‘Peace, be still…. ‘ (Mark 4:39.)” (David O. McKay, Gospel Ideals, p.295).


I pray for a stillness and peace to lay a gentle blanket upon my soul and wrap me tenderly in a resolve stronger than I have had before. That no matter the out-come of the decision made -- peace, truth, and a stillness that connects me to the healing balm of the Master's touch will strengthen me and help me through.

Farewell Mom and Dad

Loss and grief have become my constant companions so far this year. Before the year was much more than 21 days old my father passed through the veil into the spirit world. Now 19 days into February and mom is gone on as well. It is hard for the soul to gather around this kind of pain and loss.

Now as I wander about my parent's eathly home, rummaging amoung the belongings of their former life there is much to do and much more to ponder upon. My parents are wonderful people, my mom in particular. And I am wondering how I will put all these material possessions and all the memories into a place that will carry me forward until we meet again.

As difficult as it will be to put my mom into the ground for her body to await the resurrection and reunion of her spirit, it will be equally difficult to close up this home that has been a refuge to many for 31 years. As we go through the house, taking bits and pieces of Wes and Charlene and spreading it amoung those of us who are left behind I hope and pray that we take more than just the material pieces.

For my parents were much, much more. Mom, in patricular, was a wonderful example of compassion and charity. As Abraham Lincoln said, "All that I am or ever hope to be I owe to my mother." This statement is very true for me. The example my mom set as a servant in the kingdom laid a foundation for the service I render in my own part of the vineyard. The example mom was to me as a mother and homemaker carried forward into my home. My husband and children are blessed by the foods and traditions of my childhood. And so it should be. And so I ever pray that this legacy will carry forward into the generations. No possession can be more valueable than the legacy of righteous parents and the gifts of the gospel that were lived and taught in a child's home.

I sat at mom's bedside during her final earthly hours, my heart wishing she could stay while at the same time praying her passing to be swift and peaceful. My mind traveled rappidly between the questions of; "How will we go on without her?" "What will happen to the glue that has kept this family connected these many years?" "What will passing through the veil be like for her?" "And, what will her life be like there?" I prayed for the gift of being with her as she left this world to progess into the world to come. It was a bitter-sweet answer that I received. Gladness and sorrow are interesting companions.

Four days later my mind still clings to that day, to that hour, that moment and to all the unanswered questions that remain with the grief. There can't be anything more comforting to these experiences than the knowledge and testimony I have of the Plan of Salvation. As I stretch to increase my faith to go forward. As I stretch to increase my trust in the Lord and accept His will I know in time, all will be well.

Farewell Mom and Dad. Thank you for the life your gave to me and to all of us.

Keep Calm and Carry On

Life is anything but calm these days so I had to chuckle at the sign I saw in the store yesterday while shopping for a few things for the house. The sign was a large canvas piece painted pink. Front and center was a crown, through the crown, flowing across the board was the statement; 'Keep Calm -- And Carry On'

I love this. I love anything that speaks of clamness. Especially these days. Especially in the latter-days that seem to be showing its signs everywhere. For some time, I have lived a particular type of chaos. The kind where the Adversary stirs contention in the hearts of man. In my case, its the man(men) within my home. Its subtle at first, as will all his shenanigans. Then like a blow to the gut you realize a serious crisis has occurred and your foundation is shaken. Suddenly a craving for peace and for calmness becomes the main focus of daily life.

In times like this you turn to the only source of peace, the Savior, Jesus Christ.

The words to this hymn express my feelings perfectly:

Be Still My Soul
1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Text: Katharina von Schlegel, b. 1697;
trans. by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897

A Disturbance in the Force!

I think that is what you call it when one of your children get married and you aren't quite ready for it to happen.

Weddings, though stressful by nature, are supposed to be grand occassions full of excitement, hope and a fulfillment of dreams. My recent experience with a wedding was not one of this nature. It left me a bit unsettled (hence the disturbance) and concerned. It has also given me a grand opportunity to pray and to apply some principles of faith for this dear child of mine and his new bride.

Before I go on confusing anyone I want to state that my son's wife is a darling young lady that I grew to love quickly. It didn't take long in our getting aquainted period for me to cause her a few bumps due to my beliefs and values and hopes for my son and the differences she and I share. She's been forebearing and I pray forgiving. My desire is for her happiness as well as my son's.

The fact of the matter is, marriage is one of our greatest life challenges. You hope that amid those challenges come many blessings and joys. I want that for both of these sweet young people. I see already how the differences of these two lives have the potential for difficulty. My prayer is that the tests of life will make them stronger and more in love than the day they married.

I hope, that after some time what has caused a disturbance for me will settle in too. I read a sign the other day that speaks to me (I'll paraphrase and hope to run across the author at some point to give proper credit) 'Its not going the distance that is difficult, but that first step into the unknown.' I hope this is the case for all of us as we go into this next season of life.

Disconnected From.....

Six months to the day since the last time I spoke to my friend Regina and today I run across and e-mail from her. What a weird and disconnected sort of feeling that stirred up.

I've just recently gotten to the place where I can drive home from work and not turn to look and wonder if she's home when I pass by her former street.

I'm still not over the sudden reflection of her in a person that resembles her as I wander through a store while shopping. Weird huh? No one actually looks 'like' her, but something suddenly overcomes me. Something suddenly parts our two dimensions of time and we connect.

This might be weird, except that I consider myself a spiritual person; one not unfamiliar with help and connections from beyond the veil. It always takes me by surprise and I doubt that even those more in tune than I are ever prepared for such an experience. I'm still trying to learn what to do with these experiences.

I've noticed something else -- even though time has progressed along; meaning that six months have passed since the death of my dear friend. It is a very slow passage and the sense and feel of time has changed for me with this loss. Its peculiar and causes me again to sense a disconnection from ..... ????

These past six months have been the most difficult for me personally. Some of my greatest trials have taken place during these past months. With Regina gone I feel lost and have no one to confide in and counsel with. I've no one to go to the temple with and talk about deeper things.

There have been so many times when I've wanted to see if her phone would pick up if I called the number or if an e-mail would be replied to if I sent one alone. Though our realms are separated we have not and it is a pecular thing to experience this so frequently.

What do I do with this?

The Most Un-Peaceful Kind of Phone Call

Here's the scene --

You are out on a Saturday afternoon, running errands when the phone rings. On the other end is your son, his voice is unsteady and fearful. The words he is telling you are already registering panic in you and adrenalin begins to flow. It went like this for me; "Mom, mom, help, help, I don't know what to do. I'm bleeding, I'm ok, but I don't know what to do. My GF is hurt and ....." I'm not even sure it all registered. Certainly the part about him bleeding did and my heart sank, my hands started to shake and my little dd in the back seat started to cry. I was trying to focus on my driving and the words my brain wasn't totally registering and wait...think....I needed to tell him what to do. Call 911.

It was the kind of afternoon phone call a mom never wants to get. Suddenly what was a peaceful day at work and a little playful afternoon shopping with my dd turned into major panic.

I don't know if it is age and the passing of time or the blessing of this determination to be peaceful that made the difference for me that day (I think the latter). Surely there was enough emotion inside me and fear to make me go over the edge. Maybe it was trying to keep it under control for my dd. Another blessing, was the presence of mind (AKA a message from the Spirit) to call my DH. Not really knowing what I might be getting myself into once we got to where this family gathering that ran amuk was being held, I had to make sure my dd and I had protection, and help if necessary.

Another blessing; when we arrived the local authorities were there and my ds was up/walking around, bleeding stopped. Relief! (I could only imagine the scene I might encounter). He was out in a rural area, emergency services were far away, he was not with people of faith, and so anything could have happened in that environment. It wasn't pretty. I could tell he had a broken nose, but his face was in tact. More relief, and gratitude.

It took some time to convince him to come with me to get it looked at. There was an ambulence on the way -- we waited for that, but determined we could pass on those bills and take him ourselves as he was mobile enough.

Now a couple days later, as we deal with the medical issues and pain from the trauma, I am wondering what I can do to teach and assist this young, sometimes cavalier and impulsive spirit to learn to make better choices. To learn to seek out peace in his life and choose peaceable company to keep.

I am grateful for answered prayers, mostly those offered by my little dd while I was on the phone and trying to drive up and down hilly country roads to get to my injured son. I am grateful that issues didn't escalate and damage was minimal, under the circumstancs. I am grateful that peace and calmness came to me at a very unpeaceful time. Mosly, I am grateful for the knowledge that I know this place is a temporary home and should I loose someone precious to me I have the knowledge that their spirit would go home to a place of peace and to Father in Heaven. I am grateful, that this time, this trial, did not require that or require too much suffering. (I'm just not so sure we are out of the woods with this ds.)

Whithersoever

'And they went forth whitersoever they were led by the Spirit of the Lord," Alma 21:16


The voice of my friend came to me in a dream last night that left me shaken as I became aware of her voice. I don't often receive messages in dreams, but it isn't my first either. I'm still trying to figure it all out. Later this morning in my study time I came across this scripture in Alma which has given me great pause and added to my experience.

'They went forth whithersoever they were led by the Spirit.'

Often times I don't want to do what I am doing now. I often feel as though I'm stuck in a place that will never bring me peace or joy. I long for someone who enjoys the scriptures and the words of the prophets as I do. I long for companionship that has its roots deeply planted in the ways of Christ. I need to be more like Mary who said; '...be it done to me according to your word.'

I know my ways are not the Lord's. I know that I cannot possibly know what he knows. Yet still, I long for more, for something that will help me go whithersoever along this path more faithfully and with less longing and emptyness.


Reading further...there is a promise Alma 21:17 "And it came to pass that the Lord began to bless them."

If I can learn more fully to connect these too maybe then I can find the strenght.

Peace - The Loss of a Friend

It has taken me a month to be able to get a grip on how to record the details of this friend in my life. It was a month ago tonight that I met with a group of sisters to prepare this dear friend to be laid to rest. A sacred experience that cannot be told here. Tomorrow will be a month that her body has been resting in its earthly holding place. Yet I know for a month now her spirit as soarn above the clouds and has been in a place of joy. That is peace.

Take a look at this you tube. If I was more talented I would build a memorial to her. All I can do is video-lift, if you will, one that speaks to me -- of her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVq2khzam2g

10,000 Miles -By Mary Chapin Carpenter
Re-told by me:

Fare thee well, my dear true friend
Farewell for a while
I'm going away but I'll be back
Though I go ten thousand miles

Ten thousand miles
My dear true friend
Ten thousand miles or more

The rocks may melt
And the seas may burn
If I should not return

Oh, don't you see that lonesome dove
Sitting on an ivy tree
She's weeping for her dear friend
As I shall weep for mine

Oh, come ye back, my dear true friend
And stay a while with me
If I had a friend at all on this earth
You've been a friend to me


Fare thee well Dear Friend!