My husband was here with me in Utah for a visit this past week and when I put him on the plane to return to our home yesterday, he reminded me; "Joi, you need to finish up your business and get ready to come home."
It's time, I know it. And I know I won't be ready no matter when I set the return date. I just need to do it. I can't stay, holding on to my emotions, lingering in my parent's home until I think I'm ready. That day just won't happen. I need to move forward. I can't hold time still until I'm ready. Life goes on around me. A daughter-in-law prepares to deliver my first grandchild, while my own daughter contineus to grow and my husband, friends, ward family back in Missouri wait for me to return. I'm the one that is stuck. I'm the one who doesn't want to face the future without my mom and dad.
I spent the past couple of days staging the belongings of my parent's that are now mine. I'm packing up pieces of their life to merge into mine. Its a cycle of life. My parents did this when their parents passed through the veil. I don't even know if that was difficult for them. I never bothered to ask. I should have. I want my children to know this is hard for me. But that you get through it and go forward. I want them to have that faith to hold to because a time will come for them too. They should be able to see their way through to a peaceable place. I have to set that example. I can't get stuck here and leave that example for them.
Sixteen days from today -- the date is set. I should be back to my own home by the first of May. I'm a bit frightened, if truth be told. I just pray that when the times comes, when my husband is here, when the packing and driving commences I will find the joy I need.
